No Bargains, Bucko! 1.0- Deepen Your Commitment

Today you look at  some of the sneaky ways your mind tries to trick you back into your comfort zone, and deepen your commitment to our new, desired goal.

 

 

Hello again! Welcome back.

What images and feelings does the phrase, “no bargains, bucko!” conjure up in your mind? Now we’re really going to get into it.

What exactly is this bargaining I speak of?

Think of it this way. You’ve decided to create a new habit and go for it. This time it’s for real, and you can feel it! It feels fantastic! But then suddenly your brain starts to panic. It proceeds to think of all the scenarios in which it might be okay for you to slip back into old habits and find distractions instead of sticking to your new productive habits and moving forward in life! That, my friend, is a bargain.

Bargaining comes mostly from the fact that your brain wants to be in charge, and doesn’t want to change. Aside from it’s obsessive need to solve problems, comfort, safety, and control are your brain’s top priorities. This is why random brain drama, excuses, and stories tempt you to slip back into old ways in certain circumstances. 

Beware of the following words and phrases, which indicate that you are trying to form bargains with your new habit: “Except when/if _____” , “Maybe only when/if ____” , “Unless ____” …

Slam the door in the face of your bargains

Bargains will try to sneak in and foil your progress, no matter how determined you are when you deeply decide to make that upgrade in your life. Call your bargains to the front, name them to disempower them, shut them out and declare, “its all me this time- and what I say goes. I’m moving up! No more bargains, bucko!”

For example, maybe you have deeply commit to refocus your eating patterns to support your mission. But you’re super addicted to soda, and you know that one will lead to lots more. Then you decide that if your friend is in town, or if you’re really sad… then you bargain that you can drink some soda “so that” you can feel like you are celebrating in the moment, or “because” it’s less awkward than declaring your new goal. That would definitely be a bargain.

I’m not a fan of built-in “cheat” days in habit building. Plus if they’re built in, are they really cheats anyways?  But I AM a huge fan of realistic goal and habit planning, so that you don’t even feel the need to cheat, or have an awesome escape and reward plan for when temptation hits hard. “No cookies, ever again” is going to be a long stretch, and not very realistic for many people.

While you do need to know your temptations and commit to real change in your daily routine to get where you want to go in habit building and in life, you must plan in a way that supports your success. The line between “Baby Bites” and not cheating or “Bargaining” can be pretty fine sometimes.. more on all of that in future sessions. It’s also vital to go easy on yourself, and pick up where you left off when you do fall back into old habits for a moment.

So… no bargains right? This is the deal. They’re sneaky little buggers, so watch out for them around every corner!

Have you started bargaining yet?

In the first session, you made the decision to go the distance and achieve your new habit- and That. Was. Awesome. But the reality of that situation also kicks in quickly or over time. Your mind is a control freak, and it likes the old routine a lot. It likes the routine that it personally chose. And, um, ut-oh. Your mind didn’t make this new decision actually. Your true self did. Hmmm. Your mind is not amused, and it basically wants to regain control immediately.

So  because of that, today you might be starting to think about the what-ifs and why nots… Are you starting to bargain with yourself? Are you thinking thoughts like, “If so-and-so happens then I will allow myself to (fill in the blank)?”

Yes. This is very natural. In fact it would be surprising if you did not start bargaining with your new habit, either immediately or soon after you decided to go for it. Go back to the freeing feelings that come from making your decision to take control when the negotiations start to kick in! Take some time to feel how amazing it feels to have decided to take control of your situation and your mind. You wrote that for homework on day 1. Go into Sensational Release, EFT Tapping, or Radical Reboot to honor and diffuse the feelings of struggle, fear, bargaining, and indecision when deciding as often as needed.

When you do feel that pullback or that bargain forming, this is a very crucial moment. It’s super important to allow old intense feelings to pass through. But then- claim your life! Slam the door in the face of your bargains and excuses! Bam!

Bargains are truly insidious to your habit building and life progress

Bargains are like small leaks in the roof of “your house” that get neglected. Maybe you just catch the drips in a bucket for a while, because you don’t want to deal with it. You think the moisture in the ceiling will dry up in between leeks and everything will be just fine, but that’s not the case at all. The leaky area will slowly but surely get moldy and ruin at least part of your house.

These bargains are insidious like that leaky roof if you allow them in. One tiny bargain will slowly but surely allow your old habits to seep back in slowly, and you may not even notice until you are all the way back in your old routines, wishing things were different again. So… no leaks, and no bargains! Bargains will slowly ruin your efforts from the inside out. Seal up all of the cracks and protect yourself! Declare “no bargaining” today.

Reclaim your time and energy

You’ll also be freeing  up a lot of your time by doing this, “no bargaining” thing. You have no idea how much time you have already spent, daily or weekly, hemming and hawing about certain decisions.

Have you ever thought about it and realized that making any decision would have been faster and worked out fine, but instead you’re still in decision mode days or weeks later? Yeah. Next time try to remember that frustrating, anti-habit feeling before you go into bargaining mode altogether!

Uncover your secret fears and desires

Every bargain, distraction, and question you ask yourself that sways you toward your old ways that you don’t want is always a result of a deep subconscious fear you have, and almost never based in reality. Bargains are to either be ignored or processed, kind of like another tag along at the end of The Chain of Fools that came with this coaching.

It’s not always easy, but it helps to follow the path backwards to see if you can figure out what you are afraid of, and what feelings you’re looking to create or avoid when you start the bargaining.

I once made a list called “Why Procrastinate?” And it had things like “It will become too much too fast.” and “Some old friends will be jealous and rude about it”. Yep. Deep, invalid fears that can be overcome! Just having an understanding of this entire internal process makes it so much easier to let the questions, distractions, bargains, and drama go. Oftentimes, naming and pointing out what is holding you back disempowers it by at least 50%.

Figuring out what some of your deeper fears are that are keeping you bargaining can be simple, but you have to stop and give it some thought from time to time. Many people simply have never thought to do it! Now you know…

Reclaim your power

So even if you don’t realize exactly what the fear is, that’s ok- you have pinpointed the fact that is a fear! That alone is very powerful to your purpose, and disempowering to your fear that’s been controlling you. From that standpoint, you can realize that the questions you’re asking yourself or the distractions you are allowing are really just not good enough to hold you back from your happiness and success.

And without all that racket in your head and energy, it is easier to move back to the path you desire to be on. The path to your new habit or goal! Excellent. This will really take you places.

So ask yourself some questions to get an idea about what fears and desires are fueling your attempted bargaining. You might be surprised and even laugh at yourself a little bit. Good job, you! We’ll see you next time, where you’ll learn how to stop your bargaining. You can do it! You have the power to create your world exactly the way that you want it.